Dances With Washers

I think my washing machine has been taking Zumba classes when I’m not looking. And just when I was starting to show my uppity microwave who’s boss, too. It’s all very discouraging. When are my appliances going to start just doing their jobs and then taking the rest of the day off, like all the other machines?

The washer, a Maytag, used to behave quite responsibly. Fill, wash, spin, fill, rinse, spin some more, STOP. Repeat as needed. It stood next to the dryer, their sides aligned two inches apart and their fronts perfectly even. Just the way I like it; crooked things bug me. Then, a few months ago, I walked into the laundry room to dry the towels, and almost plowed into the washer. It had shimmied itself away from the wall and was standing at a goofy angle, straining its cold-water fill hose to the limit like a Jack Russell terrier pulling at the leash. I leaned down, embraced Maytag with both arms and ooched it back into place.

Then it started messing with me.

After spinning each load of laundry, Maytag would add an extra “cha-cha” step and end up cocked at an odd angle. Sometimes the difference was subtle, and I could just tug a little on one corner to bring it back into line. Other times it would do “The Bump” against the dryer, or nearly squash the laundry basket into the corner. I got pretty good at leaning into it with one leg extended back for leverage, doing a sort of tango move to coax Maytag back into its proper place. (I learned the hard way to never, ever try moving it while the tub is full of water.)

One evening Brent came home and walked from the garage into the laundry room to find me thus poised, looking like a cross between a ship’s figurehead and Carol Burnett. I must say, I found it a little insulting when he eased back out the door without a word, instead of offering to help.

I’m not sure what to do about Maytag, or why the sudden interest in dancing.

I wonder if I could talk it into taking a ‘spin’ class instead…

No, that would probably not be challenging enough.

Thanks for reading!

About Jan C. Johnson

Welcome! If you like food, reading, laughing over life's little disasters, and maybe thinking about the bigger things of life, you have come to the right place. Besides blogging, I write humorous fiction, though real life tends to leave fictional humor in the shade. But I'm not a total goofball. No, really. I'm also working on a biography project. I live in North Texas with my husband, Brent. We enjoy bicycling, Mexican food, and traveling to visit our kids and grandkids.
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19 Responses to Dances With Washers

  1. Jen says:

    You have a way of making me laugh at things that would not normally seem so stinkin’ funny. I hope you teach Maytag a lesson…


  2. Jeannine or Grandma Johnson says:

    Help, call the maytag man… or take dancing lessons.
    Love ya


  3. Jean Wise says:

    This post is really really funny. thanks for making my day!


  4. Kathy Falley says:

    I had a Maytag exactly like that! It was left with the house in Kansas when we sold the house. Maybe the new owner of the house had the same experience with the Maytag that you experienced. I will never know.


  5. Mary Van Korlaar says:

    You see, this is exactly why I miss you. Come to CO and I’ll even let you dance with MY washing machine. I don’t make that offer to just ANYBODY you know!


  6. Debbie Young says:

    I love stories, this is a great one!


  7. Barbara Koob says:

    Such a cute story with a way with “words”! Oh, I mean “washers” ! So fun! Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting today. I will check out more of your stories when I have the chance. Barb

    P.S. And I love cycling too ;-D


    • Jan says:

      Welcome, Barbara! I appreciate your visit too. You might enjoy my “Thoughts on Two Wheels” category, as well as “I remember when…” There is plenty of goofiness at our house, and I’m always happy to share a debacle for laughs!


  8. Judi Hammock says:

    LOVE it!!!! My washer must have been sneakin around with yours! 🙂


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