Gift Ideas for the Bike Masochist

You can just tell when a fitness product is targeted toward the male market. Recently Brent was looking online for some new cycling DVDs. (These are videos meant to guide your workout on a stationary bike or trainer, as I’ve written about before.) Consider these actual titles that he found:

1. No Slackers Allowed
2. HILLacious
3. Muscle Breakdown
4. The Uphill Grind
5. Have Mercy
6. Have Mercy, “The Sequel”
7. Bending Crank Arms

And his favorite,

8. Suffer-O-Rama

I have to admit, all these are motivating titles. At least… they motivate me to run away, not to participate in the workouts. Why on earth would men be drawn to these masochistic-sounding things?

So here’s my theory: I suspect this tendency stems from that well known masculine-flexing-in-the-mirror motto: “No Pain, No Gain.” To the male mind, which tends to boil everything down to its simplest form, this phrase represents an elementary mathematical formula:

“Pain = Gain.”

The logic here makes sense in a testosterone-driven kind of way, although cause and effect may have gotten slightly blurred in the process.

Women’s workouts, on the other hand, seem to have titles that emphasize results rather than suffering:

Tone It Up
Buns of Steel / Abs of Steel
Tank Top Arms, Bikini Belly, etc.

Now, there may very well be some pain involved, but we focus on progress toward a goal. With no need to appear “macho,” we ladies reject pain for mere pain’s sake. See how sensible we are?

Brent and I finally agreed on a couple of virtual-reality type videos we think we can enjoy together, like Front Range and Into the Hills: Colorado and the intriguing Tucson Training Ride. With these, we can each suffer / make progress at our own pace and enjoy some breathtaking scenery at the same time.

It’s a great solution, but I think Brent later took just a teeny little dig at my judicious budgeting of effort. He claimed to have found the perfect cycling video for me.

The title? “Coasting Made Easy.”

Hmmmm. Yeah, now we’re talkin!

Thanks for reading!

PS: I am happy to be linking up with Jen and the Soli Deo Gloria girls.

About Jan C. Johnson

Welcome! If you like food, reading, laughing over life's little disasters, and maybe thinking about the bigger things of life, you have come to the right place. Besides blogging, I write humorous fiction, though real life tends to leave fictional humor in the shade. But I'm not a total goofball. No, really. I'm also working on a biography project. I live in North Texas with my husband, Brent. We enjoy bicycling, Mexican food, and traveling to visit our kids and grandkids.
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8 Responses to Gift Ideas for the Bike Masochist

  1. Steve Bato says:

    Nice, Jan!
    So, you don’t have to figure out how much pain fits under your tree, eh?
    Fear is a great motivator, too. Maybe there should be a book, “How to Pedal Faster, so the Rottweiler Can’t Taste You.”
    Enjoy your Christmas!


  2. Stopping by to say Merry Christmas! So thankful for YOU this holiday season!!
    – Ashley


  3. Jen says:

    Coasting Made Easy – hah! What else would you want to do through Tuscany? It’s hard to enjoy the scenery when you have sweat in your eyes…


  4. Cindy says:

    I want the “Coasting Made Easy” video in my stocking! Kidding aside, wish you, Brent and the family a very Merry Christmas!


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