How Did a Middle-Aged Civilian in Texas Get PTSD?

I first noticed it way back on Memorial Day, before heading home from the triathlon in Austin. Heather and I had stopped for a late lunch in Round Rock. When I got up to find the ladies’ room, I asked a staff member where the “radies’ loom” was.

We figured it out, and I chalked it up to being tired and hungry. Soon I was back at the table, commenting on how nice it was to be sitting down, eating salad and quiche and drinking watts of lotter — I mean, lots of water (I don’t think Heather noticed that one).

We got back to Heather’s house, unloaded her stuff and got cleaned up. Then it was time to load my car. I put my suitcase in, then remembered I had left my gear bag inside. “Ah — my beer gag,” I reminded myself. “Beer bag. GEAR BAG.” Sheesh.

It kept happening even after I had been home for days. I was talking about an error somebody had made, but giving them the benefit of the doubt. “I’m sure it was well-meant” became “I’m sure it was mell-went. Uh, that’s ‘mell-went.’ I mean, ‘It was MELL-WENT.'” At this point I thought it best to stuff my mouth with chocolate before I could say the silly phrase wrong again.

I noticed my son’s new car has heated seats, but I could only manage “seated heats.”
Later, I got out the bixing mole so I could cake bookies. Book cakies. Bake cookies. whew!
My tangue got toungled up almost every time I said anything.

This could only mean one thing: I had contracted

Post Triathlon Spoonerism Disorder.

What to do?

As it turns out, no cure exists. Fortunately, the disorder eventually goes away by itself. You can help the process along if you slow down a little while speaking (perhaps I had experienced a two-week adrenaline rush) and get enough sleep (ditto the adrenaline rush).

So, if you’re reading this at your “taplop” computer and realize you have been wixing up your murds, don’t worry. Just relax and take a nap.

And maybe stay away from triathlons.

Thanks for reading!

Linking up this week with Rachel Anne and the Company Girls. Hop on over for some cool summer fun!
Also with Jen and the Soli Deo Gloria sisters! Once you visit Jen’s blog you will likely want to sign up for the women’s retreat in Austin this October.

About Jan C. Johnson

Welcome! If you like food, reading, laughing over life's little disasters, and maybe thinking about the bigger things of life, you have come to the right place. Besides blogging, I write humorous fiction, though real life tends to leave fictional humor in the shade. But I'm not a total goofball. No, really. I'm also working on a biography project. I live in North Texas with my husband, Brent. We enjoy bicycling, Mexican food, and traveling to visit our kids and grandkids.
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12 Responses to How Did a Middle-Aged Civilian in Texas Get PTSD?

  1. 2wheelerme says:

    Jan, i enjoyed your post. Get rots of lest and Congrats on completing the Triathalon! 🙂


    • Jan says:

      Thanks, 2wheeler! A disclaimer, though: I only did the bike part of the relay, and it was a sprint-distance–so don’t give me too much credit. Happy trails to you!


  2. Tresta says:

    Oh my! You need to read Runny Babbit by Shel Silverstein : )


  3. Kathy Falley says:

    While dining in a Resturant in Jackson Wyoming with Steve and our girls,Betsy asked the waitress the flavors of pudding. The waitress replied,Vanilla,chocolate,and butterscotch. Betsy said,”I’ll have scutterbotch pudding!” Precious memories!


    • Jan says:

      Hah, I love “scutterbotch!” Kids’ spoonerisms are the best, aren’t they? I fondly recall ours referring to those speedy desert birds as “run-roaders” and trains as “mocolotives.” Thanks for commenting, Kathy!


  4. erin says:

    Congratulations on completing a triathlon! That is so impressive!


  5. Kristi says:

    Cute post. Love spoonerisms. Found you through the Company Girl blog hop.


  6. joyceandnorm says:

    Yikes! I didn’t know there was a name for it. I don’t do triathlons and I don’t ever intend to. I would get more than just PTSD…if I survive…the training. I have some number dyslexia, and I guess I do have some spoonerism too it seems. I’ll use the ESL excuse. That’s probably it though. :p


    • Jan says:

      Don’t worry, Joyce, with my top-notch “medical” skills I can come up with an acronym for you, too! I’d love to hear some spoonerism stories, though. 😉


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