All’s Fair in Lunch and War

Wait…. was that pineapple enchiladas or Crock-Pot salad?

If I like a particular food, I could eat it twice a day for a week and be fine. Brent? Not so much. With that in mind, check out these excerpts from my menu diary, then you tell me which of us is the wacko…

February 10. Fixed chicken pasta for dinner. Brent arrived home and reported he had chicken pasta at lunch.

February 19. Fixed enchiladas for dinner. Brent arrived home and reported he had enchiladas at lunch.

March 4. Came up with a plan: Asked Brent to email or text me and tell me what he had for lunch. We both forgot.

March 20. Email conversation with Brent:
ME: Where did you go for lunch?
HIM: Riscky’s Barbecue.
“Perfect,” I thought. “Barbecued beef. I’ll fix chicken sandwiches for dinner.”
Brent came home from work and reported he had eaten Riscky’s Smoked Chicken Sandwich for lunch.

March 31. Decided to email a subtle question, like What did you have for lunch today, just so I won’t make the same exact thing for dinner?
His response: Street Noodles at P.F. Changs.
Fine. Mexican food for dinner, then. How can I go wrong?
When he got home that evening, I announced I had fixed quesadillas with refried black beans and guacamole.
Brent: “I had the black bean and quesadilla topping on my noodles.”
(I’m pretty sure he was just messing with me at this point.)

April 9. New plan: Wait until after lunch, then offer Brent two dinner options and make him choose. Any duplicates will be his fault, not mine. 2:00 PM email conversation:
ME: Which sounds better for dinner, shrimp scampi or beef stroganoff?
HIM: I had shrimp stroganoff for lunch.
ME: Stoppit!!!!

Okay, this means war. I mean, in essence he’s shooting himself in the foot by dodging my dinner question, but apparently it’s worth it to him, just to make me crazy.

April 24. Email exchange:
ME: What kind of lunch did you have today?
HIM: Enchiladas.
ME: Well okay. How would a chicken stir fry sound for dinner? With veggies, pineapple and rice, of course.
HIM: Aw, man! That’s what was in those enchiladas!

May 5. Email exchange:
ME: Okay, straight up…. what did you have for lunch today?? I thought we’d clean out some leftovers tonight, and for tomorrow I have a roast in the Crock Pot.
HIM: I had Dan Dan Noodles and hot and sour soup at Changs. The soup tasted like it came out of a crock pot.
ME: You should have said “Leftover Noodles” — then your streak would be unbroken!!

So now he knows I’m onto him. I think he’s beginning to weaken. Witness this email exchange the following week…..
ME: Hey Handsome, what did you have for lunch?
HIM: Whatever you have planned! … No, I had a smoked turkey sandwich.
ME: Serves you right if you get a turkey sandwich for dinner!! Hmmm… how about Tilapia? or homemade pizza?
HIM: Fish is food, not friends.

Notice how he confessed and gave me a straight answer instead of making me guess or ask again? That’s progress right there. And I didn’t even have to bring out my secret weapon, The Question No Husband Wants To Hear:

“Where are you taking me for dinner?”

Thanks for reading,

About Jan C. Johnson

Welcome! If you like food, reading, laughing over life's little disasters, and maybe thinking about the bigger things of life, you have come to the right place. Besides blogging, I write humorous fiction, though real life tends to leave fictional humor in the shade. But I'm not a total goofball. No, really. I'm also working on a biography project. I live in North Texas with my husband, Brent. We enjoy bicycling, Mexican food, and traveling to visit our kids and grandkids.
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4 Responses to All’s Fair in Lunch and War

  1. Jody Collins says:

    Favorite thing to make for dinner? Reservations! You crack me up.


  2. saraleeperel says:

    Hah! What a great read! I loved this!


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