An All-time Favorite

Well, friends, today I publish my 300th post on this blog.

Three… hundred…

It boggles my mind.

To celebrate, I’m sort of taking the day off and re-posting my sweet mother-in-law’s all-time favorite. (It’s one of my favorites, too.) This one first appeared on January 24, 2011.

For you, Mom!

“Termite Insurance”

One morning last week I came in from a few errands to find the home phone’s “message” light blinking. I dialed in and listened to a rapid-fire spiel that sounded like, “Mr. Johnson, this is Jerry from Quadrangle Corporation. You had called us about our termite service, and by now you should have received the information we mailed you. I’m calling to see if you have any questions.”

Oh, great, I thought, Brent didn’t say anything about seeing termites.

Jerry went on, unperturbed at the vermin that threatened our very infrastructure. “I’ll be glad to set up a time to help you with your termite insurance needs.” He ended with a phone number. Nice. Sounds like they guarantee their work. I saved the message and made a mental note to tell Brent.

But it sort of slipped my mind until after dinner that night. That’s when Brent picked up the phone, heard the beeping, and said, “Hey, we have a message.”

“Yikes, I forgot to mention—” but he was already listening to Jerry. In mid-stream, though, he deleted the message and hung up.

I looked around at him. “Oh–didn’t you call an exterminator?”

Brent froze, staring at me. One of his eyebrows migrated upward but the corners of his mouth failed to follow suit. What on earth . . . ?

So I said, “Did you get some information in the mail about termite insurance?”

“Yes, but I’m not going with that company.”

“But… they are exterminators… right?” I asked.

Same blank yet incredulous stare from Brent. This was going nowhere. I took shelter in repetition: “Termite. Insurance. Right?”

Finally, the light came on and Brent thawed somewhat. Enunciating carefully, he said, “That’s TERM. LIFE. INSURANCE.” He shook his head and added with a woeful look, “Don’t talk about ‘exterminators’ when I’m shopping for life insurance.”

I was laughing pretty hard, but tried to sound contrite as I explained, “No, I just thought that guy was an exterminator … he kept saying ‘termite insurance.’ … At least … that’s what it sounded like…”

I sputtered to a stop but by now Brent had rallied. “Another bad spy movie!” He struck a pose. “Paris is lovely at this time of year.”

“An oak tree grows by the gate…”

The moral of this story: If you leave someone a voice message, even if you have said the exact same thing a thousand times a day for six years and could repeat it backwards in your sleep, remember that the person hearing it does not have your spiel memorized. They will have to actually understand what you say, or you might as well not leave a message at all.

So slow down and enunciate — otherwise you risk sending the Johnsons into another bad spy movie.

Your Turn: Do you ever have communication glitches with a family member? Oh come on, you know it happens! ‘Fess up in the “Leave a Reply” box below!

Thanks for reading!

About Jan C. Johnson

Welcome! If you like food, reading, laughing over life's little disasters, and maybe thinking about the bigger things of life, you have come to the right place. Besides blogging, I write humorous fiction, though real life tends to leave fictional humor in the shade. But I'm not a total goofball. No, really. I'm also working on a biography project. I live in North Texas with my husband, Brent. We enjoy bicycling, Mexican food, and traveling to visit our kids and grandkids.
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1 Response to An All-time Favorite

  1. Jeannine Johnson says:

    Love it, I will never look at life insurance the same way again
    Love and thanks for posting


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