It’s been almost seven years since my dad died, and occasionally I still find a loose end that needs tying up. Case in point: his cheap old revolver that’s been hidden away on a shelf in our closet since we closed my parents’ house.
It’s a “.38 special,” complete with yellowing parts list and a box of bullets. I don’t want to say this type of gun is unreliable, but I hear that if you use it to shoot at an intruder, it’s even odds as to which of you gets wounded.
Recently we decided it’s ridiculous to keep a capricious handgun that we wouldn’t know how to use even if we wanted to, which we don’t. Brent pointed out that SWFA, a nearby gun and sporting goods store, buys guns from individuals.
“Great; I’ll take it in tomorrow,” I said.
It’ll be a slam dunk, right?
The next day, I drove over with the goods in a small bag…
ME: “Hi, I’m hoping you’ll take this old handgun. Mostly we want it out of our house.”
SWFA (removes gun from holster, raises eyebrows): “Yeah, I can’t take this. No one’ll buy it.” (Puts gun back in holster) “Try a pawn shop. They’ll take it.”
ME (pictures thug buying Dad’s gun and shooting me with it during a holdup): “Umm, thanks…”
Then I had the bright idea of turning it in at the police station for disposal…
ME: “Hi, I’d like to turn in this old handgun for disposal.”
POLICE RECEPTIONIST: “Oh… we don’t have a buyback program.”
ME: “I don’t want anything for it, but it isn’t safe. I think it should be destroyed.”
PASSING OFFICER (looks at revolver): “Yeah, these aren’t safe.”
ME: “Someone suggested pawning it, but I’d hate for it to be on the street.”
OFFICER: “Hmmm… We can’t destroy a weapon without a court order.”
OFFICER: “Maybe you could take it to the steel plant.” (grins) “They might smelt it into your next car.”
ME: (pictures self trekking to Mordor, climbing the volcanic Mt. Doom, and throwing the stupid revolver into the lava)
OFFICER: “… Of course, they’d have to run the serial number to make sure it wasn’t evidence in a criminal case … Besides, they wouldn’t have any way of knowing whether you were trying to destroy a murder weapon…”
OFFICER: “Seriously, check with the bigger cities’ police departments like Dallas or Arlington. They have gun buyback programs.”
ME: “Will do.” (goes home, calls Arlington PD)
ARLINGTON: “We can’t take guns, we don’t have room to store them. Try a gun store.”
ME (silently): “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
We’ve circled back to the gun store? Maybe that’s why they call it a “revolver.”
So much for the government trying to take away people’s guns. I can’t give this one to them. They won’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.
The lady in Arlington was really helpful, though. She offered to get hold of a man who might take the gun for parts. If not, she said something about calling 9-1-1 and having the police come pick it up.
ME: (pictures SWAT team approaching our house with extreme caution…..)
Dad would laugh his head off.
Your turn: Have you ever struggled to get rid of some albatross in your home? Tell me about it in the “Leave a Reply” box at bottom!
Thanks for reading,