Tolkien and the Fellowship of the .38 Special

It’s been almost seven years since my dad died, and occasionally I still find a loose end that needs tying up. Case in point: his cheap old revolver that’s been hidden away on a shelf in our closet since we closed my parents’ house.

It’s a “.38 special,” complete with yellowing parts list and a box of bullets. I don’t want to say this type of gun is unreliable, but I hear that if you use it to shoot at an intruder, it’s even odds as to which of you gets wounded.

Recently we decided it’s ridiculous to keep a capricious handgun that we wouldn’t know how to use even if we wanted to, which we don’t. Brent pointed out that SWFA, a nearby gun and sporting goods store, buys guns from individuals.

“Great; I’ll take it in tomorrow,” I said.

It’ll be a slam dunk, right?

The next day, I drove over with the goods in a small bag…

ME: “Hi, I’m hoping you’ll take this old handgun. Mostly we want it out of our house.”

SWFA (removes gun from holster, raises eyebrows): “Yeah, I can’t take this. No one’ll buy it.” (Puts gun back in holster) “Try a pawn shop. They’ll take it.”

ME (pictures thug buying Dad’s gun and shooting me with it during a holdup): “Umm, thanks…”

Then I had the bright idea of turning it in at the police station for disposal…

ME: “Hi, I’d like to turn in this old handgun for disposal.”

POLICE RECEPTIONIST: “Oh… we don’t have a buyback program.”

ME: “I don’t want anything for it, but it isn’t safe. I think it should be destroyed.”

PASSING OFFICER (looks at revolver): “Yeah, these aren’t safe.”

ME: “Someone suggested pawning it, but I’d hate for it to be on the street.”

OFFICER: “Hmmm… We can’t destroy a weapon without a court order.”

ME: “Aaaah!”

OFFICER: “Maybe you could take it to the steel plant.” (grins) “They might smelt it into your next car.”

ME: (pictures self trekking to Mordor, climbing the volcanic Mt. Doom, and throwing the stupid revolver into the lava)

OFFICER: “… Of course, they’d have to run the serial number to make sure it wasn’t evidence in a criminal case … Besides, they wouldn’t have any way of knowing whether you were trying to destroy a murder weapon…”

ME: “Aaaaaaaaah!”

OFFICER: “Seriously, check with the bigger cities’ police departments like Dallas or Arlington. They have gun buyback programs.”

ME: “Will do.” (goes home, calls Arlington PD)

ARLINGTON: “We can’t take guns, we don’t have room to store them. Try a gun store.”

ME (silently): “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

We’ve circled back to the gun store? Maybe that’s why they call it a “revolver.”

So much for the government trying to take away people’s guns. I can’t give this one to them. They won’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.

The lady in Arlington was really helpful, though. She offered to get hold of a man who might take the gun for parts. If not, she said something about calling 9-1-1 and having the police come pick it up.

ME: (pictures SWAT team approaching our house with extreme caution…..)

Dad would laugh his head off.

Your turn: Have you ever struggled to get rid of some albatross in your home? Tell me about it in the “Leave a Reply” box at bottom!

Thanks for reading,
Jan

About Jan C. Johnson

Welcome! If you like food, reading, laughing over life's little disasters, and maybe thinking about the bigger things of life, you have come to the right place. Besides blogging, I write humorous fiction, though real life tends to leave fictional humor in the shade. But I'm not a total goofball. No, really. I'm also working on a biography project. I live in North Texas with my husband, Brent. We enjoy bicycling, Mexican food, and traveling to visit our kids and grandkids.
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3 Responses to Tolkien and the Fellowship of the .38 Special

  1. Jeannine Johnson says:

    Oh, my goodness, that is to funny, your dad would really be laughing , hope you can get rid
    of that. Made for a great story though. Love Mom

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Steve Miller says:

    You know, you could probably just bury the thing. Just make sure you do it at midnight. And keep your flashlight hidden.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: .38 Special: The Fellowship Gathers | Joywriting: Everybody Has a Story

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