Last week, I told you about my failed attempts to get rid of my dad’s old handgun before someone got hurt. Between the post itself and Facebook, my sad tale garnered a variety of responses. Congratulations, commenters! You are now members of The Fellowship of the .38 Special.

Of course, the characters in Tolkien’s Fellowship of the Ring offered to join Frodo via heroic remarks like, “You have my sword!” “And you have my bow!” “And my axe!”
My Fellowship, on the other hand– well, below you’ll find their comments, followed by my Tolkienian translation…

 
S: You could probably just bury the thing. Only make sure you do it at midnight. And keep your flashlight hidden.
“You have my sarcasm!”

C: LOL — What you have there is an oxymoron: a German-made piece of junk.
“And you have my bluntness!”

J: That was hilarious.
“And my laughter! With you, not at you.”

D: You could always throw it at a burglar.
“You have my sass!”

E: Yeah, that gun is worth the scrap value of the metal parts.
“And you have my disrespect!”

J: Oh my goodness, that is too funny. Your dad would really be laughing… It made for a great story, though…
“And my utter lack of sympathy!”

Okay, it’s really only brass and lead. Not silver.

Fine. I see how it is.

But one commenter stood head and shoulders above the rest. Yes, the Gandalf Silver Bullet of Helpfulness Award goes to my friend Drew. His winning remark?

I’d take it off your hands!

>Cue pastoral music and beam of sunlight; Mordor begins to crumble. . .<

I’m happy to report that I handed off the revolver and accessories yesterday. My home is now a Gun-Free Zone!

That is… at least it’s a Revolver-Free Zone.

And the SWAT team didn’t even have to come.

Thanks for reading,
Jan