I actually DO use this stuff. I’m not a cretin.
Extra points if you noticed the fake poison-dart frog in the corner.

It’s come to my attention recently that I have a rather casual relationship with germs. I mean, I take Airborne before flying anywhere, and I do use antibacterial soap in the kitchen… sometimes… when I’m handling raw meats and such. But I’m not on an all-out campaign to kill germs.

So let me ask you, are you a germ freak?

“How would I know if I am?”

I’m glad you asked. Well, actually I can’t answer that question, but I can share some telltale signs that you are not a germ freak.

Note: I can neither confirm nor deny that any / all of these apply to me.

You Might NOT Be a Germ Freak If…

… You’ve unhesitatingly rinsed poopy baby clothes in the toilet… with your bare hands.

… When you find the vitamin you dropped ten days ago on the floor of your car, you go ahead and take it… washing it down with the melted ice from Tuesday’s Whataburger drink cup.

… You have never refrigerated ketchup after opening.

… Hand sanitizer? P-f-f-f-f-f-t.

… It seldom occurs to you to wash your hands between petting the dog and eating a sandwich.

… You occasionally say something like “This stuff’s only three months past its freshness dating. Let’s see how it tastes.”

Come to think of it, that napkin looks pretty familiar, too.

… You realize you’ve been using the same disposable coffee stirrer since you got your mug warmer four and a half months ago. And you don’t need to do this because you have, like, 500 coffee stirrers.

I don’t mean to drive bona fide germ freaks crazy, but… as near as I can figure, that’s what our immune system is for, right?

Thanks for reading,
Jan