Last time I told you how some well-meaning people in my church thought I’d accepted Christ as my savior. The pastor baptized me, not realizing I was clueless about my need for salvation.
After the worst five years of my life, I absolutely had to do something. By this time I understood the gospel. The question was, had I accepted it? Received salvation? I realized that if I hadn’t been saved back in the fourth grade, I would need to admit it to the church, and get baptized again. Everyone would know I’d been wrong. How embarrassing.
When I was a high school freshman, our church hired a new youth minister. This young man had the very approachable nickname “Scooter.” He preached one Sunday evening and told his own story about how he came to receive salvation. To my jaw-dropping astonishment, he had also been prematurely baptized when he was just a kid, and spent some years faking it.
Wait… I’m not the only goofball on the planet to make such a spectacular blunder?
Finally… all alone in my room, I mentally reviewed God’s plan of salvation*. I still remember every word of my big, dramatic prayer for salvation:
All the weight of guilt and fear I’d been lugging around for five years fell away. Peace and security flowed over me, through me.
The next Sunday, I marched to the front of the church as soon as the sermon ended. Later, the new pastor counseled with me. I got baptized. Again.
That was ages ago, but I’ve never forgotten those wretched years.
Recently, memories of that sweet Sunday School teacher came back to me. By now, she must have been in heaven for decades. I got to thinking: From her heavenly perspective, does she know she accidentally influenced me to get fake-baptized? I hope God didn’t tell her. If he did, I hope she doesn’t feel bad about that…
But then something else occurred to me. God is in control. Everything, even the unpleasant stuff, happens for a reason.
So what good could come out of those years I spent bluffing, hiding my fear?
I don’t claim to know all of God’s mind, but I do know I needed to learn not to bluff.
So God allowed it.
And I learned my lesson.
I believe that if Mrs. C. does remember me, and if she knows I wandered around for years miserably faking faith, then that knowledge doesn’t cause her distress. Because she also understands the purpose and knows the outcome.
Thanks, Mrs. C.!
And thank you for reading.
* Earlier, I wrote a more in-depth essay about the nature of salvation. You can find it here if you’re interested.
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What a wonderful post! I remember being encouraged to be “saved” when I was a kid. Not long after that, I had questions for my Sunday school teacher. Because the questions could only be answered based on faith and not evidence I was crestfallen that I’d signed up for something I couldn’t prove was correct. I was told: “We don’t ask those kinds of questions, that’s just the way it is and no be quiet and we’ll move on to the lesson.” I think I was nine or ten and I never went back to church after that. I guess I was a scientist at heart, even back then.
I am so happy that you have found your way and being re-baptized has given your life more meaning. It must have been horrible to feel like you were living a lie. Thankfully, I never had to do that. We each have our paths to follow and I’m thrilled that you have found yours! ❤️
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Thanks so much for your kind words, Linda! I, too, am a scientist at heart. So we have that in common, along with our amazing sense of humor.
I’m sorry to hear your questions got stonewalled. God actually welcomes questions! In my experience, teachers who shun them are insecure about not having all the answers. I hope you still have those questions. They’re important. And I’d be honored if I can help you find answers to them. (As I keep saying, I’m no expert, but I know people who are much more knowledgeable than I am)
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That is so sweet of you! I’m afraid my questions demand proof and not faith. I think I took after my Dad, much to my Mom’s chagrin. She was a Baptist deaconess and my Dad was an atheist. It was an odd combination, but a good one.